Let the old dreams die

Some old dreams are best left buried and never to be revived.

I don’t understand it. Why do a lot of people in my life are in serious medical attention or dead recently? Call me callous but why did their deaths have to interfere with my plans to actually spend time socializing for real? I can’t seem to hold a decent conversation without being upset and ranting about work, because I lack motivation to do anything already, even on off days and public holidays.

After a workshop on copywriting gone wrong for me last Thursday, I’ve never been more nasty and sour than ever. Now everything I do feels like walking on eggshells. Too bad most people, regardless of citizenship status, ethnic, religion or culture, aren’t well-equipped on dealing with furious people. Furious people like me are quickly judged as emotionally fragile, berserk, disruptive and so forth. They’re wrong, I’m so much more than that. Maybe I just bottle up my frustrations too much that I reach to a point where I don’t give a fuck anymore. Not caring if I still got lots of friends sticking by me after I flared out. 

Why does starting a new term at work as a senior staff have to be so hard? Feels like high school again trying to stay mature on whatever comes. Been browsing on IT workshops to gain new skills and knowledge, I got no more motivation left in my current job already due to never-ending conflicts at work that directly and indirectly affects me. I’m aiming to leave my current job and maybe try to stick within the IT field if possible, as that has been my main source of income since 2 years ago despite crash-coursing it out of sheer desperation and survival.


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