Signs

Some things to take a chance on before 2016 is over:

1. Take part in the Christmas dance at work during this festive season (it’s been almost ten years since I last danced in front of a large audience).

2. Get to know that street musician living in my neighborhood (lately he’s kinda keen on me and remains polite despite my hesitance to give him my number)

3. Watch Moana and Star Wars: Rogue One

Even through the slump, I still try to squeeze lighter moments in between, hoping to shine a light no matter what comes. I wonder could #2 be a sign for me, to have a shot at a friendship (and perhaps love?) 

One is a loneliest number

I’m drained out of energy. Donald Trump is now the new President of the United States. That spells doom to America and the whole world. And I’m real tired of my job’s toxic environment. Having to get my shit together as a third-year senior staff and  my moves monitored closely cages me. There is still that desire to write inside of me, it just won’t die. Maybe writing is my true calling although rusty with writer’s block for lack of quality and creativity to pen.

This feeling of helplessness and frequently falling sick.. They manifest not just from external factors but from within too. It’s tough getting by in life pursuing your passion when society often tells you not to quit your job without a new one lined up. Life already is unpredictable and so is the ongoing stagnant economic recession. Everyday I browse catalogues of short courses offered by local institutions online pertaining to arts, technology and marketing; hoping to find time and space to build my portfolio and knowledge in the creative industry. Yet I still hadn’t made up my mind as I’m spoilt for choices. Course fees are a key factor too, along with schedules and traveling distance to study from home and back.

Aside from stiff job competition from foreigners, it sucks to be shamed endlessly for lacking a tertiary diploma, a degree and paper academic credentials when hunting for a job in Singapore.Why won’t employers give a chance to those who have burning passion and know-how but without good GPA and connections from rich or shady people?

Pep talk

It’s tough to mentally pep talk myself up on staying positive and happy and all the rah-rah cheerleader-like stuff when my ongoing issues are far from over. How to people will themselves that way? I’m not being a pessimist here, I’m more of  a realist and not the type to sugarcoat, overexaggerate or be sarcastic in my viewpoints. I wish I’m easily understood without people preconceiving negative thoughts about me. So what if I’m not (and never will be) a part of the herd mentality, does that make me an enemy although we may be on the same side of tough situations we hate?